In February 2012, Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together, gave a talk at TED 2012, which I think is a great summary of her views presented in the book. I encourage you to watch the talk, embedded below. If you have already read her book, her talk is great at reiterating the main point, and if you haven't then it will introduce you to her insights.
So what can we do about this? How can we still be good people to each other while simultaneously owning a piece of connected technology and having the desire to be connected? I think it begins in the small moments. That moment when your friend or group of friends is on their cell phone, not speaking to you. I think a good start here is to be more willing and open to sharing what's on our devices. "What are you doing on your phone" you could ask. Take an interest. If they're texting someone, ask them how that person is. But this only breaks the surface. It may lead to some mild conversation, but nothing too deep.
In her talk, Turkle says that many of us desire "The illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship". So I think that we must all demand friendship, but without demanding. How do we do that? It requires that you be the best that you can be to another person, but without putting on a show - really taking interest in them. Care demands respect without being demanding.
So, the next time you hit that moment of silence in a conversation where you don't know what to say next, let it play out in real life. Be brave, don't reach for that device in your pocket. Don't hide behind the phone because hiding makes it impossible for others to truly find you.
