“You
didn’t like my picture on Facebook!” I told my cousin one day, referencing a
picture of my acceptance to an Italian University, feeling like she did not
care about my accomplishment. “Do
you really care if I like your pictures?” she confusedly replied. To her, Facebook is simply a
communication tool. I saw Facebook
as just a communication tool too, or at least I thought I did. Why did I care if she publicly liked my
accomplishment when she already told me how she was proud of me in ‘real
life’. When did my self worth
become tied into this profile? My
Facebook profile should be a superficial reflection of me at best, just enough
that I can be recognized as myself when communicating with others. Having this profile though, especially
at a time where popular culture has amplified the appeal of and desire for
physical beauty, has caused a change in my brain chemistry that makes me
concern myself over how this superficial reflection makes me look.
Reading
the chapter on narcissism in Rosen’s iDisorder ‘Media Starts with “Me”, I had a
shocking revelation. I am a huge
narcissist. I already knew that I
was mildly narcissistic, but I did not realize it was to this extent. I scour my photos for the perfect
profile picture. I ‘untag’ myself
in pictures where I do not look good.
I try to perfect this superficial reflection, this profile that others
identify as me. Why do I do this? Is it because it’s easier to change my
portrayal on the Internet than it is to change myself in real life?
I’m
still reflecting on this, but do y’all have any thoughts on the subject? Do y’all find yourselves doing the same
things?
