In February 2012, Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together, gave a talk at TED 2012, which I think is a great summary of her views presented in the book. I encourage you to watch the talk, embedded below. If you have already read her book, her talk is great at reiterating the main point, and if you haven't then it will introduce you to her insights.
So what can we do about this? How can we still be good people to each other while simultaneously owning a piece of connected technology and having the desire to be connected? I think it begins in the small moments. That moment when your friend or group of friends is on their cell phone, not speaking to you. I think a good start here is to be more willing and open to sharing what's on our devices. "What are you doing on your phone" you could ask. Take an interest. If they're texting someone, ask them how that person is. But this only breaks the surface. It may lead to some mild conversation, but nothing too deep.
In her talk, Turkle says that many of us desire "The illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship". So I think that we must all demand friendship, but without demanding. How do we do that? It requires that you be the best that you can be to another person, but without putting on a show - really taking interest in them. Care demands respect without being demanding.
So, the next time you hit that moment of silence in a conversation where you don't know what to say next, let it play out in real life. Be brave, don't reach for that device in your pocket. Don't hide behind the phone because hiding makes it impossible for others to truly find you.
Thank you for posting this! I almost did, but i'm glad you did instead because i love what you have to say... thanks, Edward, for going above and beyond :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting that Sherry Turkle starts out her talk saying that she feels torn between loving her cell phone and texting, etc. and rejecting the current worldwide dependence on technology because I believe that this is a sentiment most likely shared by a lot of people. I, for one, completely agree with her opinions about the effect of technology on human relationships. However, I feel like a hypocrite saying that because I'm obsessed with my phone and my laptop. It's so hard today to find a balance between the "connection" and "conversation" when we are constantly being bombarded with new forms of social media. Personally, I'm glad that I heard her message because now I will definitely think twice before using my phone when with family or friends. The thought of how technology is hindering human relationships terrifies me. If this is how our generation is, I don't even want to think about how dependent my children will be on technology.
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